I wish to have the best 30th birthday ever

Hi im Layla , im a mother of 3 whose grieving the loss of my kids dad. I have never personally experienced someone dying that was soo close to me. Someone I’ve spent 10yrs with created 3 kids with is just gone. Through grief i have total completely let myself go. My hair is wild , I was once so lively and fun. I barely even recognize myself anymore. Well time has went by sooooo fast , the one year mark of his death is October 11th , my 30th birthday is November 1st. Everything is on me now with myself , the bills and the kids , I work and make decent money but I literally work JUST to pay every bill. I don’t have any friends or a baby sitter so I will be enjoying my birthday with my kids. It’s okay though , I love them so much , they are literally all I have. Anyways , thanks for listening to my sob story , I kinda felt good getting that out